How to Add More Consistency to Your New Habits

When trying to turn a new habit into a consistent norm, there are some hard questions you may need to ask yourself.

Consistency is what we do most often when we are comfortable.

The thing we consistently go back to is the norm. It’s our habit.

Some of these consistencies popped up with how we protected ourselves as children from childhood trauma. How we changed ourselves to please our caregivers and maintain connection.

Ironically these defense mechanisms are the reason why we may experience a lack of connection with ourselves and others.

The point is, some of the things we consistently do aren’t healthy.

“Well, how do I get to a healthier place?” you may be asking.

From my research I have some ideas about how to make changes last a little longer if not for the rest of your life.

Most of my examples are weight loss based, but this can be applicable to anything you want to change into a norm that you want to start being consistent with.

The thing about commitment to becoming more consistent is to first and foremost ask,

“Why do I want to make this change?”

Unless you’re smoking or drinking yourself into an early grave, if you are not included in any part of your answer to this question, you’re going to run into problems.

Society has set some preconceived notions on what we should change to become thinner, have more glittery hair, misty looking skin, the perfect looking home, etc.

The problem is if you want to change because you want to have more than that guy Jim who lives next door, or because of societal standards, is this change really going to make you happy?

If you want to lose weight because your boyfriend says you’re fat, that’s a terrible reason and you should probably consider changing your boyfriend not your pants size. Just saying.

Same thing for you fellas, if she’s roasting you on your wonderful dad bod and that’s the only reason you want to make a change, the change you should probably make is to someone who will appreciate you no matter your size.

If you want to lose weight and get healthy because you want to have the energy to play with your kids, that’s better because your desire is to get energy to play with your kids.

You kids could care less how much you weigh or your energy level as long as you spend quality time, but if you want to be able to join in on a game of tag, your kids will love that too.

The point is, you want to adjust the way you play with your kids by making a change for yourself.

If you want to lose weight because you can’t look at yourself in the mirror naked when you are at home by yourself, there’s a deeper issue there, one in which having a certified counselor may help you through whatever is causing that for you.

If you don’t love what you see now, you’ll keep changing the finish line and become unhealthy in the opposite direction.

If you look in the mirror and say,

“I love how I look. I love my body, and so I want to treat my temple a little better because it is awesome.”

Then that’s cool. Flex queen.

The point is you have to assess why do you want to change. Not just with weight loss, but with just about anything. Weight loss is just an easy example.

Once you have that answer, dig a little deeper and ask yourself why a couple of more times.

Channel your inner toddler, and keep asking, “Why? Why? Why?”

“I love how I look. I love my body, and so I want to treat my temple a little better because it is awesome.”


“Because I am worthy as I am now, and I also believe I deserve to strive to live my best life.”

"Because I have been hurting, and all of the hurt, anger, shame, and grief inside has caused me to defend myself and practice self-comfort in unhealthy ways. My body is a machine that has carried me through all of that, and now I want to heal those hurts. I want to show myself and my body some true love for a change. It's not about a number on a scale or a pants size, but about feeling my best and figuring out what 'feeling well' means to me."

Some deep stuff right?

As Lizzo says, whatever body type you are working towards is none of anyone’s business. Skinny doesn’t always mean healthy, despite what popular opinion says.

Good blood test results and great vitals from your doctor every year from your annual check up and your ability to do the amount of physical activity you’re willing to do is your “well.”

Annual physicals are good for you. Preventative medicine is the best medicine. Obviously I'm not a doctor, but catching things early especially when it comes to your health is better than waiting until it's too late.

If you work and office job and being ripped for the Gods is your idea of well (as long as you aren’t doing illegal steroid stuff to promote body dysmorphia), then flex my dude.

If like being a little fluffy, then work honey.

If you can’t gain any weight at all because of genetics or a medical issue, don’t let society’s commentary get you down. I just want you to know that I see you, and I think you can still flex and do you boo. Don’t let nobody tell you different.

Everybody’s body is beautiful, and the definition of “well” doesn’t look the same for everybody.

So now we have dug deeply into the “why?” and there may have been some tears shed, that is okay.

Let go of that voice that says crying makes you weak and a baby. Whoever told you that shit did more damage to you than actually letting you feel your feelings.

Let the tears out or one day it will consume you.

The next thing is that we’ve got to hit is,

“Now that I have asked myself why on a deep level, what are my preconceived notions about what I need to do to achieve what I want?”

Back to the weight loss example, if your preconceived notion is to start eating only 1200 calories tomorrow, or two almonds a day, expect to gain weight back after that crash diet is over.

If you don’t believe me, check out the statistics around yo-yo dieting.

I could write a book, I think most of us can at this point with diet culture. Looking at that book section on Amazon it almost feels like most of us probably have.

Before I continue, I am going to say that I am not a doctor, I do not have a degree in nutrition, nor am I a psychologist or counsellor. I just like to read and try stuff. Some of it is research, but WebMD is not the equivalent to the blood sweat and tears required to be an MD, so if you feel like you need to seek the advice of the MD before engaging in any lifestyle changes, please for the love of God do.

“Is my preconceived notion maintainable for the rest of my life?”

If the answer is no, you probably need to find a new notion.

The thing about maintaining consistent health and consistent wellness is that whatever you do to change your trajectory it has to be something that you can wake up every day (or at least 80% of the time), and do.

As a result of my yo-yo dieting adventures in my early 20s, I hate sweet potatoes and chicken breast on it’s own.

Eating “healthier” can taste good. I have some cook books and websites I like to use that I will talk about in a different post.

If you need to change your preconceived notion because it’s extreme, ask yourself this…

“What is one small change I can do right now, that is low risk, and I can consistently accomplish over time with minimal discomfort?”

The thing about consistency and commitment is you have to start with the smallest habit with the least amount of risk and aversion.

If that means drinking one less soda a day, or eating one more banana, do it. Do it for 30 days, see how you feel. Journal it.

You may find out that after 30 days drinking one less soda a day wasn’t so bad, then try the next thing, journal about it.

You may be thinking, “This is easy!”

Good, it should be if you take it one thing at a time.

I didn’t acquire a taste for unsweet tea overnight, believe me.

That took time, and while my other habits have gone to hell (which is why I am doing research on this topic) that is one I have been able to maintain.

If you feel that you can handle a total overhaul and do a reset, there are some great ones, but just be aware if your mindset and preconceived notions going in have to do with a number or fitting into a certain pants size you may want to address why you feel that way and start small.

Once you feel you have achieved optimal wellness and it’s maintainable for you until the day you die, (the same thing with any other habit you want to do consistently that may have nothing to do with weight loss) you must ask yourself another question and this one is going to be a doozy.

“What is the gateway food/activity/person?”

This one is going to hurt…

It’s not necessarily that you will have to give up this gateway item if you don’t want to, though it might be for the best.

It’s that when you have identified this food/activity/person you have to be real intentional about whether or not you will consume/participate, and how much.

If you don’t feel you can walk away from that situation without crapping on all of your hard work, don’t put yourself in that position.

It is going to suck… a lot.

Especially if you really love that food/activity/person, but you have to decide what’s worse, letting go of that gateway thing or letting go of everything you worked for to achieve whatever it is that you wanted to achieve.

Now, I know this may sound a little extreme, but addiction is not merely restricted to alcohol or drugs.

Sugar, binging food, binging Netflix, internet usage, playing a round of poker with your bros, charging your credit card for that one cute outfit that’s on sale, getting that one lap dance, going out with that friend that you know you’ll get arrested with by the end of the night, adopting another cat even though you already have 5 and you’re supposed to be cut off, opening social media…

We all have a gateway to a vice.

A gateway to a comfort we are trying to change because we have determined for ourselves on a deep level that we are not about that life anymore, and it’s not helping us live our best life.

Unless you live on a farm, or a large house, having more than 5 cats is not helping your cats live their best life.

I know saving all of the cats might seem like a great idea in theory, in practice it’s not always best for you or the cats.

I digress.

I hope this was helpful to you.

This isn’t necessarily the end of my thoughts and research on consistency.

I know there is a lot of stuff written on this topic, but I hope the way I put one thing or another produced an “aha” moment for you.

Until next time.


Author: Angela Ruiz

I’m an amateur blogger trying to find my way in the world. As a Master of Music Education and 6 years of teaching orchestra my life is heading in a new direction. As an entrepreneur and violinist, I’m exploring this new normal.